Playing On Repeat

Brandon Flowers "Between Me and You"

All my life I've been told/Follow your dreams/The trail went cold

Bleachers "Wake Me"

Chairlift "Met Before"

The Airborne Toxic Event "The Fall of Rome"

Brandon Flowers "Never Get You Right"

Basically I've been listening to this album nonstop. I'm obsessed with these lyrics.

They'll never get you right/I've been watching you all night

The people passing by/Should tremble at your sight

A Fine Frenzy "Think of You"

Usually, I sing this song when I'm heading back to my house after Sunday dinner with the parents.

Is it weird that I think I keep playing these songs over and over again because they somehow take me back to Dawson's Creek?

What Can I Be

Skip to the 5 1/2 minute mark of this video and watch Seth Meyers totally miss Kristen Stewart's point by making an obvious comment about himself.

It's what she says about how she never would have become an actor if she hadn't started young that's full of truth and wisdom. The one true dream killer is puberty.

Before those terrifyingly formidable middle school years, you are told you can be anything you want to be and you dream big. Then after one glorious Summer at the top of your young game, all the praise and validation is cut-off. You begin to hear how you don't measure up. How you won't ever measure up.

In 5th grade, I pictured my life as a Saved by the Bell episode. I would be a nice cheerleader, with an awesome, diverse friend group. I'd then go on to the Ivy League and probably become an astronaut or anthropologist. I clung to this dream in middle school, but abandoned it all together in high school.

Each year as you have to face yourself while getting a glimpse of reality, it's hard to keep faith in yourself. Kristen Stewart nails this on the head with her comments. As a kid, bravery is second nature because the entire world is a new discovery. You're used to trying new things. As a teenager, you are experiencing failure, discouragement, acne, and newfound freedom all at once. It becomes harder to believe in your own talent. Awkwardness becomes your air and suffocates your confidence.

This is the natural course of things. It's good and bad, and that's okay. You learn a lot during these years and even after, when looking back. We're not all meant to live out our childhood dreams, but it definitely would have helped me if I had jumped into a career path when I thought I was a beautiful genius at 10. How do I get back that confidence? I guess by just jumping in. But into what is the bigger question.

Favorites

I love hearing about people's random, pointless preferences. I don't know what people's favorite colors or ice cream flavors really mean, but it feels important. Why do we even pick the thing in the first place? I really couldn't tell you why I prefer Raisinettes over any other candy. Sure, I can list reasons, but it's really just because I like them. Simple as that.

I'm pretty open-minded about people's favorites, except when it comes down to 2 things. I just can't wrap my head around why people are so gung-ho about them!

Number One: GMAIL

Seriously, I need someone to write me an essay about why the world loves GMAIL. I started using it when I needed a more professional email address, and I still don't like it. Hotmail is so much prettier and easier to use. (Yes, I know this Blogspot functions off of a GMAIL account. It's what I'm stuck with because I'm basically illiterate when it comes to technology.)

Number Two: Filming Concerts

Okay, so I know this isn't really a "favorite." But I know some girl somewhere has at least thought to herself "...this is the best thing I have ever filmed...they're my favorite..." while fan-girling over the hot guy in a band. Why don't people just enjoy the moment and dance to the music? The bright, shiny screens ruin the atmosphere. Plus, the acoustics and recordings are so bad, no one ever wants to listen to it again. It makes absolutely no sense to me. It's amazing how music can create a community in a gross club--live in it people!

At 25

This is the first time in my life that I didn't want to be a year older. I still can't think about the number 25. It freaks and stresses me out to no end.

This picture was taken right after my parents sang a duet version of "Happy Birthday" just so I could make an official wish. Fingers crossed it comes true this year!

I now have 4 pairs of jelly sandals (plus a broken pair I can't quite part with), and it brings me unceasing joy. P.S. This Avett Brother's song is the best reference to 90s footwear ever.

A shiny new credit card now sits in my wallet. Building a credit history was a grown up decision, but was only a side benefit of wanting to spend my savings on an international trip and not pay exorbitant foreign transaction fees. I'm counting it as a win.

Lately, I've been thinking that I should become a mademoiselle librarian or archivist.

Going to concerts by myself is no longer a "feat." If I want to hear something live, I'm going to go either way.

Random people have started to set me up on blind dates. This confuses me because none of the guys I actually know have asked me out. I'll probably write more on this later.

I have tried persimmons and Sweetos.

I've lost a lot of my flexibility--I can't do the middle splits that well anymore--but I can still do back-handsprings and a respectable number of push-ups.

I'm working on learning to say no and do what's best for me. It's really hard for me to not feel overwhelming guilt when I let people down in any way. It's not because I want them to be pleased with me; it's just that I feel bad that they have to deal with extra or feel anything negative. I've realized that I would do anything if I had the excuse of doing it for my husband or family, but I can't make the commitment to move or switch careers or make any real changes just for me. And that's not right or fair, especially because I have no idea what my future timeframes look like. I'm continually trying to convince myself that I can create my own life.

I think art is the fastest way to change people.

This year next year I plan to read the Feminine Mystique to refine my arguments against the movement.

Seriously! I can't believe I'm reaching the mid-twenties mark. 

Some Words

 via

HIGGINS. Would the world ever have been made if its maker had been afraid of making trouble? Making life means making trouble. There's only one way of escaping trouble; and that's killing things. Cowards, you notice, are always shrieking to have troublesome people killed.

I watched Pygmalion late one night on Hulu and couldn't get over the genius of George Bernard Shaw. I picked this picture because there's a man who isn't afraid of a making a mess or a fashion statement.

General Conference

This last weekend was The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' semi-annual General Conference. It is a chance for members of my church to hear from our living prophet and better understand the Lord's counsel. With so many social issues that bleed into religious life, these conferences can provide some clarity. In a world growing in darkness and festering in cruelty, it is also a boon to my optimism.

I read this scripture a few weeks before General Conference and found it to be right on time.

"Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." (Matthew 10:16)

It's beautiful and powerful imagery. Never in the history of the world have the disciples of Christ had more outlets to spread the message. We have to be stronger than the opposition in order for this to work to its full advantage.

I have to strengthen my faith and standards. I cannot waver. I have to use my intelligence.

In my brief studies of world religions, I've never found a church that makes as much logical sense as the LDS faith. While we don't have all of the answers, we are promised that one day we will. We are also encouraged to seek answers now. The mysteries of God aren't hidden to man or reserved for the few. God's precepts are absolutely necessary for wisdom--they are eternal and transcendent.

I like the juxtaposition of the serpents and the doves. Peace infused with a bit of bite. The truth can be uncomfortable, but is often less-so with a kind delivery. I also like the idea that we we will come in unassuming but that a lot will be accomplished despite the perceived frailty. It's easier to bet on a winner if you have the truth of the matter, and I know that Christ's church is thriving on the earth today. Good people are doing good, wise things. I'm striving to share my part.

Some Words

"Can't you possibly be just a little bit glad that we are alive, and that all the year that's coming we can be together and work and love and get some peace for all the things we've paid so much for learning. Stop looking for solace: there isn't any..."
                      --Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald