Today's Obsession: Songs with Bus References

Growing up, I didn't ride the school bus to elementary school. That could be why I find buses idyllic modes of transportation. They are third on my list of most romantic public transit options, just below planes and taxis. It really is strange how much songs with buses in the storyline affect me. The imagery is heightened to the extreme.

When I got Sounds of the Sixties for Christmas as a preteen, "Bus Stop" by The Hollies quickly became one of my all time favorite songs.

Someday my name and hers are going to be the same.

It's so tender and sweet, with a hint of something menacing underneath. I still like it.

The next song added to my repertoire doesn't exactly reference a bus, but I sang the song to myself while riding the buses on a family vacation to San Francisco because I like the line about the early morning subway train. This is the Hallmark Movie of the group: over-the-top, but I can't help but love and genuinely enjoy it.

Last month while I was visiting San Francisco again, I kept trying to figure out why I like this theme so much. I still really don't know. It might have to do with the idea of love at first sight. For no reason at all, I'm beginning to believe in it more.

The moment we forgot we were just good friends,

I moved my arm, her face went red again.

One more bus home, another silent weekend.

Baby, remember on the bus when my hand was on your knee

...

When you love somebody and bite your tongue all you get is a mouth full of blood.

I also recommend looking up the Live on KEXP version of this song. The folk adds a whole new depth.

At 24

They keep promoting me at work (sort of), and I think it's having the opposite affect of what they want. It's making me resent the metaphorical Man beyond my wildest Marxist dreams. It's opening my eyes up to the pointlessness of business and management and money. I only half hope this is a phase.

I haven't been on a date since 2012…did I just admit that on the internet?

I'm fairly certain that 95% of the population, especially my peers, will never understand my pop culture references. I'd be so much funnier if people watched the same shows as me.

I want to learn to cook without using recipes. And stop eating desserts and Pop-Tarts for dinner so often.

I like to scope out apartments in San Francisco and Portland on Craigslist.

Initially skeptical, I've come to really enjoy Korean dramas.

Church basketball has fostered my self-assurance more than anything else these past few months--and I'm no baller.

My parents are becoming more like my friends than my parents. It's been a good thing.

For the past few weeks, I've had more interest in going back to school. I'm considering mediation, psychology, or community education again.

I'm hunting for a signature leather jacket, preferably with a hood.

My best friend and I watched this movie twice in a row. Barefoot is adorable, has a semi-feral child, and is a must-see.

Most days, I still feel 17.

"You can't judge a book by it's cover." "No, but you can tell how much it's gonna cost."

On Sunday, I gave my first talk in the singles ward, and I think it's hilarious how much it expanded people's opinions of me.

It wasn't my best talk ever. I thought it was rather ordinary, could have used more spunk and storytelling.

But right after sacrament meeting, the bishop's wife came up to me and said something to the effect of, "That was great! You know you dress so fashionably, and I didn't know, but then you opened your mouth and these words came out. And you're the total package. You really are."

It was one of the strangest compliments I've ever gotten because growing up I was always known as the smart one. I don't think I've ever been seen the other way around--I didn't think people would be surprised that I'm intelligent.

Then tonight at FHE, one guy in my ward came up and said that he'd always thought I was very reserved, until he heard me speak. I get the reserved and shy part, especially because I haven't really made friends beyond my roommates and neighbors in this ward, but I don't understand why speaking in church had enough of an effect that he said something about it to me. I love people.

Parasite

Lately, I've been voraciously searching articles, movies, books, songs, and conversation for something I can't quite put my finger on. I find myself up way too late clicking on one more blog or song hoping I'll stumble on whatever it is I need to hear. I know it's not quite advice or a pep talk, and I know it's not just a story that feels like mine. It's like I'm constantly searching for something specific that will be life shifting in some way, but I have no idea what it is. The Way Way Back and The Secret Life of Walter Mitty come close. Keaton Henson and a few friends have gotten within striking distance, but no dice. Lately, I've been thinking that whatever I'm wanting or needing is going to come from me. I think a creation from my own mind will stifle the fear or doubt or whatever is living in my bones and making me so hungry. I resolve to start writing more.

Two Types of Crushes

In my opinion, there are really only two types of crushes. Celebrity Crushes and Classic School-Girl Crushes. The only thing that separates these two categories is the true intent behind the lust and obsession. In Celebrity Crushes, you just enjoy staring at them and daydreaming about them--deep down you know it would never work, so you don't actually want it to happen. The Classic School-Girl runs much deeper; in this type there is real expectation and real devastation when the crush doesn't stem into a real relationship. The stalking and staring and fantasizing are manifested identically on the outside, but it's the underlying desire and commitment that makes the difference.

I've had Celebrity Crushes on my friends and acquaintances. I don't want them to make a move or start liking me because I don't actually like them. I just find their aura charming and fun. Adorable is the word that comes up most frequently. I get all I want out of them just by knowing that they exist.

I've had one enduring Classic School-Girl Crush on a celebrity.

Shaun White.

Crushes are often unexplainable. They sort of just spring on you, and only then can you analyze all the little things that create the magic. This is definitely the case for Shaun White.

If we'd been in high school together, he is the guy that I would have spotted in the hall for no particular reason, and then kept seeing everywhere because I couldn't help myself, even though he's not really what I'd say is my type. I'd find him charming in class and probably exaggerate his intelligence after one insightful comment in English Lit. I'd stay up late and feverishly peruse all my yearbooks for pictures of him, and swear that I saw his appeal even in seventh grade.

When I first learned about Shaun White's existence, it was probably on a Celebrity Crush level, but the fact that I didn't grow out of it at 18 is further indication that it's actually a Classic School-Girl Crush.

I have this deep sense that we would get each other. I think our humor would compliment each others'. And honestly, I don't feel like the snowboarding and skateboarding is a big influence on my crush anymore. It's obviously a plus, but if he was the kind of guy who kept boarding after high school, that would more than fulfill my dreams.

I feel very loyal to Shaun White, which is very key in any of my friendships and a sure sign of any of my full-blown School-Girl Crushes. I support him no matter what. I'm always cheering for you Mr. White! That doesn't mean I condone everything--we definitely need something to argue about--because I haven't quite let go of the Breakfast Club daydream where we come together and truly fall in love after being unreasonably detained, probably on a plane.

To further illustrate my seriousness, I had made a promise to never write anything about Shaun White on the internet, just in case we meet one day. It'd be much easier to convince him I'm not a fangirl if this post had never been written, but oh well. I'll remember this when I'm finally ready for closure. I'm sure my embarrassment [if it ever comes, but it probably won't because I didn't gush] will one day help to incinerate any last shreds of hope.

Tales from Personality Science

I started to get nervous walking up the stairs to my first night of Personality Science: The Art of Face Reading. Because I really had no idea who was going to be there. Who else would not only know about the class but would sign up for it? It was me, an older single woman, a feminine young man, and a solitary married man probably in his mid-thirties. We sat around a small table in a Spanish classroom in West High and took in the wisdom of Sharon Crandall. She's not exactly what I was expecting. In my head I saw a trim, ex-government official with a stern expression. But that's not really what I got. Crandall has studied the applied science of personology developed by Edward Vincent Jones and later by his former student Robert Whitesides. After majoring in psychology, you would think that I would have been prepared for a non-science discipline, but I was too optimistic and wanted hard facts. Although Personality Science only stems from correlations and observations, I feel like I got a lot out of the class.

What I like about Personality Science is that there is a belief that you can change your genetically given traits and that there are no bad traits, you just have to learn to channel your traits for your benefit. It's humanistic, which I tend to really love. The class involved a lot of staring at each other and our teacher, but it wasn't really that awkward. Instead of making me too vulnerable, it was kind of liberating to have someone explain their view of me in front of other people I had just met. Crandall's assessment of me was fairly accurate. This is what she saw in the proportions of my facial features:

High Forward Balance, which means that I am innately more self-conscious and often dwell on future events.

Administrative, meaning that I am a leader and delegator. She told me I should be better at my job when I mentioned that I was a manager and didn't feel like I had fully assumed the role. Apparently the skills are innately in me, but another trait is holding me back. I haven't figured out if this is true or not.

I have structural appreciation and know how things look and work best.

I lean towards being skeptical, which of course I was skeptical of at first.

I'm very high in tenacity.

High on self-reliance.

Medium-high emotionality and on the first week she said I have expressive eyes.

Resolute in my decisions.

I have a sense of adventure.

I'm selective in who I'm friends with and harder to approach.

Innate confidence instead of learned confidence, which means I take action in whatever way I feel is right and learn from my own mistakes and gain fears after failures.

I'm in the middle of the idealistic and realistic trait.

I'm concise, thrifty, and efficient with time, words, and money.

I think fairly sequentially, so I don't always jump to conclusions.

I'm more wide tolerant, which means it takes me longer to feel the need to react emotionally.

I'm about 2/3 analytical in my thinking.

I have a middle score in being taciturn and choosy with who I divulge my secrets.

The one mood swing she did point out was on the acquisitive trait. In personality science, a swing means that you may feel differently about the same thing at different times or in different situations. It's not about moody, teenage angst. My swing refers to a need to own and collect things and then in another mood to give things away.

I scored high on two of the three ESP traits, and may have some of the third which is intuition, but she couldn't get a great feel (literally, she was touching my head at Denny's). But I am very strong on telepathy and fairly high in psychic. She didn't really go into these much, but I think it indicates that I'm good at reading people and understanding their feelings and thoughts.

The only trait I didn't agree with was PPA: Pride in Personal Appearance. I feel like if I was truly strong on this trait I would not only be a very different person, but I would not be a very happy person. Maybe I learned other traits to balance out this one? I don't know.

She got all of that after staring at me and touching my head for two minutes. I'm pretty impressed with her commitment and belief in face reading.

There's one other thing I learned from my two day crash course in Personality Science: That women don't really change with age. After the class last Tuesday, the other woman in the class and I met Crandall at Denny's to further discuss our traits and look at pictures of people. Come to find out, this woman in the class is 54, never married, and in love with her best friend. She took the class as another way to analyze why they aren't together and if they should be! And she flat-out told me this! While my motivation for taking the class was purely intellectual interest and entertainment value, I can understand where she's coming from, and I don't want to be her in 30 years. She took up most of the instructor's time showing pictures of her friend, but I was so fascinated, I didn't care. By the end, my heart went out to this woman. Apparently her friend has told her that she has three out of the four things he must have in a wife, and the one thing she doesn't have is the physical attraction. At their age, things are on the decline; there isn't much she can do. And I feel awful about it. Why is it so hard for women to fall for nice, available men? All I can say is that I hope I'm married with children in the next ten years; maybe I should have picked up Sharon Crandall's book, Compatible? or Combatable?.

What does it mean??

Lately, most of my dreams have been set in the same place. It's a structurally beautiful, spacious communal house, yet it feels rather cold. The story lines vary drastically, most I don't even remember, but they are all centered in this tiny world. It's starting to get eerie because I recognize the microcosm so well. Usually I'm part of a huge group, consisting mostly of the people I see the most, congregated in a great hall in the middle of the building. There are towering archways of granite that make a promenade on each floor of the multileveled forum. It's equal parts entranceway and hiding place. The tone is similar to the reoccurring dreams I used to have about fighting terrorists in a post-WWIII era, but there hasn't been any fighting or strategizing in these recent dreams, everything just seems drab. I'm not sure how literal I should take it, but after looking up symbols in online dream dictionaries, I think it could have something to do with figuring out how to accept that I'm an actual adult. It could also be telling me that I need to let more people in and not be afraid. The house and threshold might also indicate that I need to reconcile some of my own beliefs in order to progress in the future. The apocalyptic undertone might denote that major changes are occurring in my life or emotional state. What does it mean? What is coming at me?

2013 Superlatives

Ever since sixth grade, I had a great fear that 2013 would never come. I read a skewed version of the Mayan prophecy, and from that time on I was terrified that the world would end in 2012. Luckily, my tweenhood fears weren't realized and the year came and is now closed. I'd like to take a moment to honor some of my favorite things of 2013.

Best Meal: Pizza in Peru
One night my sister and I were left to roam the streets of Cusco alone while my brother and parents had dinner with members. We ended up eating dinner at a small pizza place. The chilled glass bottles of Inca Cola and Margherita pizza were amazing after the heavy traditional food we'd been eating. I literally ate 3/4 of the large pizza.

Best Movie: The Way Way Back

All I'm going to say about this is that it's an instant classic.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Fainting in Peru
On the first day in Peru, I felt exhilarated. I didn't think I was going to be affected by the altitude at all. I was dancing around, pretending to be a ballerina in the hotel room. And I felt fine when we took a tour to the ancient temple ruins, but we were just standing around for too long. I started to get lightheaded and held onto my sister's shoulders for support. But then my vision went black, like I'd just stood up too quickly, apparently I slowly tumbled down to the dirt and was down for almost 30 seconds, but I don't remember any of that. I stood up, brushed myself off, and felt fine for the rest of the day. I didn't even think I'd actually fainted. It was really only embarrassing because I'd bragged so much that I wouldn't be the one to get sick or feel the altitude. I triggered something in everyone else though because the dad and young teenage son of the family traveling with us also started to feel faint. The dad actually laid on the sacrificial altar of the temple for 20 minutes until he felt better.

Before fainting.

After. See, I was totally fine.

Best Album: Trouble Will Find Me by The National

I can't believe how many of the lyrics strike me. Sometimes I find albums that seem like they're only 5 minutes long because I love all the songs and never press skip. This was that for me this year.

Best Television Show: Dawson's Creek
While I really enjoyed Call the Midwife, nothing made in 2013 compares to the classic kids from the Creek. It took a year to get through the entire series from start to finish. It was definitely worth the time investment. I always feel more intelligent after watching it.

Best Holiday: Pioneer Day

I have always loved July 24th. Pioneer Day is hands down my favorite holiday...after Christmas. We always spend it in Spring City, UT with my extended family, and I love it. This year was especially great because my brother was just home from his mission, so all of the cousins were back together again. The street dance could have been better, but getting taunted by some of the townsfolk teens on bicycles that night was pretty great. In the morning, after falling back asleep after the firetruck wake-up call, my cousin and I were the very last people in line to get the firemen's breakfast. I don't know why that was so hilarious, but it really was. Off-roading in a squished car and of course the demolition derby rounded out the perfect day. Even the music during the fireworks show was larger than life--it was like someone had forgotten the patriotic playlist, so someone just grabbed a mix tape from the 90s out of their car. My cousin and I also decided that we want to enter the powderpuff derby this year, so I still need to find someone willing to teach me to drive stick.

Best Decision: Going to that one Service Project

When my stake teamed up to help some wards in South Salt Lake, I was skeptical about the whole project, especially because it was so rainy the day we set out to serve. But it ended up being a major turning point for me. I worked at a house that needed yard work and painting done. It was slow going at first, but then I went inside to help paint the old woman's stairwell. I'm not sure how many cats she had, but she'd put up catwalks for them, and the walls were covered in hair, and the smell was so overwhelming, we put Vick's vapor rub under our noses. I was the only one willing to climb the ladder on the stairs and get the top parts of the walls. It was exhilarating knowing that I was actually doing something meaningful to help. It would have taken that woman't nephew an entire weekend to paint what we did in two hours. It was a lot of fun too. I didn't like that singles' ward very much, but when ten of us were crammed in the tiny stairwell, all working at various levels, I was part of the community. I was genuinely happy. And the feeling carried on for the rest of the year. There was something about the quaint, tiny houses that convinced me to move to Salt Lake, which is probably the true best decision of 2013; I just didn't want to forget about the day I painted a cat lady's house and loved every minute of it.

Best Purchase:

I think that's a tie between all the books I found at DI and Savers and the dark green corduroy skinny jeans I bought for myself while trying to do my Christmas shopping.

Best Photos:

 Sometimes, in rare moments, the best things do get documented by photography.