"You can't judge a book by it's cover." "No, but you can tell how much it's gonna cost."

On Sunday, I gave my first talk in the singles ward, and I think it's hilarious how much it expanded people's opinions of me.

It wasn't my best talk ever. I thought it was rather ordinary, could have used more spunk and storytelling.

But right after sacrament meeting, the bishop's wife came up to me and said something to the effect of, "That was great! You know you dress so fashionably, and I didn't know, but then you opened your mouth and these words came out. And you're the total package. You really are."

It was one of the strangest compliments I've ever gotten because growing up I was always known as the smart one. I don't think I've ever been seen the other way around--I didn't think people would be surprised that I'm intelligent.

Then tonight at FHE, one guy in my ward came up and said that he'd always thought I was very reserved, until he heard me speak. I get the reserved and shy part, especially because I haven't really made friends beyond my roommates and neighbors in this ward, but I don't understand why speaking in church had enough of an effect that he said something about it to me. I love people.

Parasite

Lately, I've been voraciously searching articles, movies, books, songs, and conversation for something I can't quite put my finger on. I find myself up way too late clicking on one more blog or song hoping I'll stumble on whatever it is I need to hear. I know it's not quite advice or a pep talk, and I know it's not just a story that feels like mine. It's like I'm constantly searching for something specific that will be life shifting in some way, but I have no idea what it is. The Way Way Back and The Secret Life of Walter Mitty come close. Keaton Henson and a few friends have gotten within striking distance, but no dice. Lately, I've been thinking that whatever I'm wanting or needing is going to come from me. I think a creation from my own mind will stifle the fear or doubt or whatever is living in my bones and making me so hungry. I resolve to start writing more.