The Test

I was on the verge of graduating, and I thought everything was falling into place. As I walked through the doors to my psych tech interview, a clear vision of my future ran through my head. Work a year, have an amazing Summer, and then off to a grad program somewhere on the east coast. The interview seemed to go well; they called me back to take a personality proficiency test.

I failed that test. Imagine that. Failing a personality test. It's heavy and extremely disconcerting. But I didn't feel any of it. I walked out of that hospital feeling exhilarated. There had to be a reason that I didn't pass the test. It had to have been a divine fluke.

So I left thinking something great would happen. And I had a glorious, lazy Summer, but no concrete direction. Nothing so utterly fantastic came my way to give a reason for me not to have gotten that job.

And then my funds ran low, and it was time to set up shop in my childhood bedroom. And I wasn't hearing back on anything. And I wasn't finding anything that I really wanted to do, which just made everything worse. Reading F. Scott Fitzgerald didn't help either. I see so much of myself in the idealistic, sentimental characters of his stories--I got scared that I was ruining myself like them. That I would wake up empty.

Then I got a call about a job. I had sent my resume in so long ago that I hadn't even remembered which one it was until they gave me the full position summary. It seemed like a good job--a little too much math and science--but something with potential. They said they would call me back the next day. They didn't.

Then a different job came up in Provo. The interview didn't seem to go that great, but they called back the same day and offered me the job. Feeling that I had no other options, I took it. And I felt good about it. Finally something had happened!

An hour later I get a phone call. It's the supervisor from the other position. And I panicked. I am not sure if they were actually offering me the job because they just said they wanted me to come in for a few hours to see what the job was like, but I just answered that I had accepted another position. And I don't know if that was stupid or not.

Who cries over having two job offers in this economy?

Clearly, I am not overly excited about either position, but I need to make an investment in my future. And I feel so strung out in polar opposite directions.

friends+great job for grad school applications+time to try to find a creative position with a magazine or another job that I could fully embrace+getting to serve people=Provo=only part time+not that much room to grow

decent job from the start+opportunities to move up in the company+better hours+chance to move somewhere different+better job if I want to skip grad school and enter the world of buisness=Salt Lake City=not very exciting or stimulating+will feel really bad quitting if something else better comes along

I just don't know if either of these jobs are part of why I failed that personality test. I don't know if it even really matters. Maybe I am just supposed to choose and handle what comes. Is it too late with the other job? Where am I supposed to belong? What should be my biggest priority?

I just don't know...maybe this is all just part of the real test.